The Dark Side of Disney

During our week's stay at Disney World, we collected some examples of what we call, "The Dark Side of Disney," or, in other words, elements of our experience that no one talks about, but which are less than appealing.

Coincidentally, just today, CNN.com published an article about an indie film showing a dark side of Disney.  Coincidence?  We think not!

So, without further ado, here are our Top Ten Dark Sides of Disney:

1. THE LINES.   No matter how hard you try, you have to endure lines:  lines to check into your resort, lines to have your bag checked when you enter a park, lines to get into the park, lines to get into an attraction, lines to get a FastPass so you don't have to wait in such long lines for an attraction.  Lines for food (for further information, see, "THE FOOD SCAM," below.)  We could have this kind of fun for a lot less expense if we spent the day at the airport.

2. THE CATTLE EXPERIENCE.  Mooooooo.  That's how you feel as the "cast members" herd you through the lines, into the rooms, into the theaters, from the theaters.  It's how you feel trying to make it through the streets of the park from attraction to attraction.  Mooooooo.

3. TINY CAMPGROUND ROADS.  Disney advertises nice, big campsites for RV's.  "You won't have any trouble.  The site is huge."  What Disney and its hosts don't mention is how narrow and small and tightly curved the campground roads are.  All of the sites are back-in.  Try backing into a site with a big motor home or fifth wheel.    Never again.

4.  THE RIDE TIME DILEMMA.  We arrive at an attraction at 10:00 am.  How to choose between an 80 minute wait on line or a FastPass reserved time of 6:30 pm?  Try doing this on four different attractions without wasting the whole day.  (See also, "THE FASTPASS SCAM," below.)

5.  THE FOOD SCAM.  It's breakfast time.  I'm hungry.  An hour's wait for "quick service" take-out.  Then the food is cold when you get it.  For further information, see "THE LINES," above.

6. THE FASTPASS SCAM.  Okay, so you get in the park at 10:00 (don't you want a full night's sleep and a relaxed breakfast?) and you head to your first attraction to pick up a FastPass.  It says, "Come back at 5:30 pm."  Wait, that's at the end of the day.  So let's go get another Fast Pass.  We can't get one.  Our first FastPass says we can't get a second one until 5:30 pm.  Hmmm.... What's "fast" about FastPass?

7. THE DINNER RESERVATION TRAP.  We learn we had to make reservations 6 months ago in order to have a sit-down dinner under the meal plan we paid good money for.

8. TOUR GROUPS.  Everywhere we went, there were large tour groups.  They seemed to follow us around, but were always in front of us.  Did you notice that the number of unpredictable turns and stops that confront you in a crowd increases exponentially with the number of people in the group in front of you?  So, for example, there's a 50% chance that that fellow in front of you will look right and suddenly veer left into you, spilling your drink.  It becomes a 75% chance if it's a couple.  90% if they have a child.  95% if it's a family of four.  100% if it's a tour group.

9. TRY TO GET ANYTHING FIXED.  Okay, so when we arrived, we hooked our water up, and as we turned it on, water started spraying wildly from the water faucet handle.  Disney's famously talented engineers designed the water line to attach to the same post as the 50 amp electrical service (translated, 50 amp means, "VERY MUCH CURRENT," and is dangerous enough as it is).  So the water was spraying all over our 50 amp electrical connection.  We devised a way to tie a plastic bag around the water faucet handle so that the water would not spray on the electrical connection.  We immediately bicycled over to the "lobby" and spoke to the "concierge," asking that a repair person be sent over as soon as possible to fix the spraying faucet handle.  One week later, as we checked out, the water was still spraying.

10. "DISCRETION IS THE BETTER PART OF STRESSIN'" became our Disney motto.  Just plan not to achieve anything, and you just might be able to avoid all the Disney-programmed stress.

Tonight, we checked into a new, family-run campground in the Everglades.  Looking at the sunset and listening to the birds, we decided that there might be some things in the world more enjoyable than Disney World: